Falling in love can be a beautiful experience. It is amazing how we learn to give and care for the person we are in love with. The world seems like such a better place to be! It feels like there’s suddenly a new purpose to life, there’s something to rejoice in. But sometimes, things begin to fall apart and before you know it the relationship has ebbed like the flame of a candle.
Nothing compares to the trauma of dealing with a broken heart. Irrespective of whether you were in a relationship for twenty years or two months, the collapse of a relationship leaves you bruised and hurting in places you hadn’t even imagined you could feel pain. The pain seems too powerful to be overcome. Suddenly the world seems all dark and gloomy and you lose all interest in life.
The mind goes into overdrive, worrying about why the relationship ended and who was at fault, could either one of you have done anything to keep the relationship going and how are you going to cope with this heartbreak. It’s okay to grieve the loss but sooner or later you will have to help yourself to come out of this self-inflicted misery.
It’s not the end of the world
A heartbreak can be severely traumatic. While some people are quick to accept the fact that a relationship is over and manage to convince themselves to move on, it is not as easy for the majority.
Perhaps, it might help you to know that a lot of relationships go through the misery of a heartbreak. Irrespective of the reason, the common fact remains that either one or both of you lost the will to make the relationship work. This happens in an awful lot of relationships.
But what is important for you to know is that this is not the end of the world. Yes, it might be the end of a relationship, but there is life beyond this. It is just a matter of time before you get over the hurt and pain.
Share the pain
It is said that happiness multiplies when shared while grief reduces. I’m not sure who worked out that mathematical formulae but whoever did, was bang on.
Share your pain with a trusted friend or family member. Don’t pretend that all is well with you. Keeping your pain and anger bottled up can be upsetting to your health. Crying helps you release the grief that you have been holding in for long. Scream if you feel like it, vent out your emotions, but don’t run away from them. Speaking about it will also help you analyse where things went wrong. Perhaps, your friend might throw in a perspective you haven’t thought about before. There’s always a comfort in knowing you aren’t alone.
Keep yourself occupied
It is said, ‘An idle mind, is a devil’s workshop’ and in such a delicate situation, it definitely is. We have the tendency to keep replaying the arguments, fights and the exchange of hurtful words over and over again. We keep thinking of all the sacrifices we have made to keep the relationship going. But what we don’t realise is this replay of events is not going to help us recover.
The mind needs a distraction. Give it something else to stay occupied with. Spend time with your friends, go shopping, travel, join the gym, take up a hobby, or learn something new. Don’t dwell on the breakup.
Bid adieu to the memories
The mind is a juggler of sorts. While it can have you agonising over the ugly bits, it can also have you rewinding the clock mentally, and playing back memories from your happy times together. Sifting through old pictures and videos, and gifts and cards, or thinking what could have been done differently might make you even more depressed. Stop torturing yourself over memories. Painful as they might be, parting with these memories will help you to move on.
Forgive and forget
I know, it is easier said than done. It is not easy to forgive someone who broke your heart. But do it for yourself, nevertheless. Forgive the person who broke your heart. Be thankful for the happy memories and learn from the bad ones. Every experience teaches us something. Let that experience guide you in your future relationships.
Keep an open mind
The end of one relationship does not have to mean that you aren’t cut out for relationships at all. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should rush into another relationship immediately. But keep an open mind and have the courage to fall in love again when it comes knocking on your door.
Don’t shut yourself to possibilities. It might help you to realise that the cause of your sadness is not really your ex-partner. To begin with, you did not get along with your ex-partner, so it’s wrong to assume that you are moping about ‘a person’. The trouble is that you have gotten used to associating that person with love and the feelings that go with it. So it is the loss of that love and approval that is causing you pain.
Allow yourself the courage to trust and to love again. As they say, you never know what tomorrow might bring.